from souvenir of canada 2

CANADA: A PRIMER

from it pays to play

THE ENVIRONMENT: The Canadian landscape features
the industrial processing of raw material for use
in the U.S., but patches of green space
are set aside for the populace.

Are you really sure you want to move to Canada, now that 2004 marks Bush's very first presidential election win? As a public service, I recently spent a month in Canada to get a feel for this young and progressive country located south of the border from Americans living in Bellingham, Washington and Detroit, Michigan. While the Bush administration has created tensions in the lives of those Americans who live in houses costing less than a million dollars, living in a foreign country creates tensions, also. For example, Canadians are expected to clean up after their dogs when in public places, and most Americans consider such behavior beneath their dignity. In fact, many Americans are unwilling to clean up after themselves in public places, and Canadians frown at such behavior. Which brings us to coin of the realm. Are you ready to call your dollar coin a "loonie" and your two dollar coin a "toonie"? Are you ready for a loonie toonie way of life?

In short, adjustments would have to be made in Canada, so you have to ask yourself if you're really ready to make those all-important lifestyle changes. What follows, then, is an attempt to call some of those considerations to your attention. Please think of this primer as a work in progress, since an update based on newly released Canadiana is in the works. A return visit to this page in a month or two will be rewarded with important new information. Meanwhile, if you should decide that you're not ready to move to Canada because of the numerous adjustments that would be required, you can always move to Los Angeles, which has more Canadians living in it than all but three cities in Canada. --Jerry Politex, November, 2004

from souvenir of canada

FOOD: The staples of the Canadian diet are fatty meats, beaver, processed
cheese, pancake flour, lard, hard candy, and French
gourmet foods, such as Capitaine Crounche.
(Poutine, said to be the national fast food of Canada,
is actually styrofoam covered with gravy.)

from souvenir of canada

TRANSPORTATION: Since it produces none, Canada imports all of its vehicles.
This means that Canadians drive their cars hard, often without the benefit of tires.
In an effort to extend the life of its cars as a national resource, the Candian government
advises citizens to drive with their lights on during the day and has limited maximum speed
to 110 kph (66 mph), and such speeds only on lonely, moose-ridden stretches of paved road,
with cameras to record infractions

Massimo Guerrera in canadian art magazine

FRENCH CANADIANS: Canada is officially an English-French bilingual country, so the French influence is ubiquitous, from its food and art to its unique clothing fashions. (see photo above) If you'd like to visit France but would rather not subject yourself to the verbal abuse from its citizens, consider visiting Quebec Province, home of Montreal, the second largest French-speaking city in the world. The courtesy of its citizens toward visitors mumbling in ungrammatical Gallic exemplifies the motto of the Province: "We're France On Training Wheels !"

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